Volasail

spent saturday at the USC game (thanks for the seat upgrade, Dan!). got my face fried, but it was worth it. took the “party bus” up there. there’s something mildly disgusting about being offered beer at 8:30am.

(from left) Steve, Mani, myself, Eric. Row 19.

and here’s our “near” run-in with coach Snoop:

got to spend an evening at Penny Lane with my brother. he killed me at darts, so we moved our time outside. discussed life over a Stella, trying to talk over some loud neighbors. good to hear how everyone else is doing…October starts a new season in dealing with our mom being gone.

all the dates start adding up. for example: on this date last October, this happened. my brother’s got more date’s remembered than i do — i remember christmas eve the most.

my brother’s very descriptive when he talks. his ability to explain his feelings through metaphors is far superior to mine. he explained his missing mom like a phone that’s off the hook. just that hum…long and continuous. not sharp and piercing…but dull and annoying. i immediately thought of that sound a record player makes once it’s reacher the center of the disc. that repetitive popping and crackling.

after i dropped him off at my dad’s, i started thinking about something else he mentioned. something along the lines of: no matter what the reason — even if God himself showed up in our living room and told it to us — it wouldn’t make the loss feel any different. that made me think. i had the mental image of a patient in their hospital bed…not fully aware of what was going on, but being told that to save their life, their arm must be taken. they kick and they scream, but little do they know, the doctor has their best interest in mind. granted, it doesn’t explain away my brother’s comment, but it’s how i think of it. i don’t know why it all happened, but i truly believe that a loving God would not do such a thing if it wasn’t necessary. does that make it all better? hardly. but i’m compelled to find the good of the result.

i knew he didn’t have it. he showed up late, sat down at the table and begged for one more round to re-buy. we allowed him one, and i knew he’d play fast. he’s done it the last few games — trying to take advantage of slower, more cautious players. he raised twice the big blind — i called. i had A-10 offsuit. the flop was 10-7-2…two diamonds. he went all in.

now if it were anyone else, i might put them on a flush draw. but mike doesn’t do that. maybe he hit a set, but again, he wouldn’t play that this fast. ah hah! he’s got junk, he’s playing fast, and wants me out. i called. i was right. he turned over 8-3 offsuit. he sighed…”i didn’t want you to call.” “wow,” i though. “doubling up here would be nice. i’d be the chip leader by a LOT.” the next card was a 6. then…you guessed it…a 9. my cousin got two runners to make a straight. i was crippled and went out two hands later (by him).

it happens. came in and watched a movie with the lady, then watched some Milan soccer. before i had called him, i made sure that if i was wrong, it wouldn’t matter to me. i could find something to do. so here i am.

i know you’re not supposed to admit defeat before it’s over. but it’s nice to be prepared for it.

what a terrible dream. what’s strange is that i have no idea what sparked it. i played soccer around 8pm…came home, watched some EPL. then when my wife got home, we watched Lost. but that’s it! i woke up with such a terrible feeling in my stomach and couldn’t shake it. i lay in bed, staring at my wife and hoping that what happened in my dream would never really happen. dragged myself out of bed, and to the shower. only once i had successfully reached Starbucks did i finally shake my bad feeling (thank you, Grande coffee).

i guess it makes you appreciate what you’ve got. but i sure wish it could be done in a different way. waking up with a feeling of utter destruction and depression — not a good way to start your day.

spent the weekend refreshing the commitment. why? shouldn’t have surprised me — but it takes a lot of work. repeating the routine never prevents rust. had to sweep away the cobwebs. re-align. remember what we promised and make sure we were heading the same direction. quite refreshing really.

sure, it takes some work — but every good thing does.

Proverbs 5:17-20
Your spring water is for you and you only,
not to be passed around among strangers.
Bless your fresh-flowing fountain!
Enjoy the wife you married as a young man!
Lovely as an angel, beautiful as a rose–
don’t ever quit taking delight in her body.
Never take her love for granted!
Why would you trade enduring intimacies for cheap thrills with a whore?
for dalliance with a promiscuous stranger?

1 Peter 3:7
The same goes for you husbands: Be good husbands to your wives. Honor them, delight in them.

it’s an odd thing to be reviewed. but a good thing. on the one hand, you panic and wonder how good a job you’ve done … putting your “best foot forward.” you must be careful to not be defensive with criticism. it’s actually good to have someone take a snapshot…and evaluate. you’ve known yourself so long that you can explain away the imperfections and the problems. but this person doesn’t make excuses for you. just try not to focus too long on the negatives. after all, he said it was minor. and personally, i think it can be changed. tomorrow, in fact. i’ll start tomorrow.